dad's birthday.

On Saturday January 5th we celebrated Dad's birthday.  We enjoyed a nice day with my sisters Krista and Katie and my sister Krista's husband Brett.  We went out to dinner at a Japanese steakhouse which Logan really enjoyed, well somewhat, he was a little nervous of the fire :)  We all went back to Dad's house for cake and presents. Logan helped Grandpa blow out the candles and sneaked a taste or two of the birthday cake. Happy Birthday Dad!  We love you!

Christmas.

We were blessed this year to spend Christmas with both my family and Mikey's family.  We had a great time celebrating Christmas with my family on Sunday with my Dad, Mom, sister Katie and my Mom's boyfriend Mark (Krista and Brett you were missed!).  Logan really enjoyed opening all of his presents and spending time with his family.  We traveled to Morgantown on Christmas eve and stayed through Thursday.  We had such an amazing time with family, it was really great to see everyone.  Logan especially loved the train that was under the Christmas tree.  We also took our annual "cousins photo" of the kids.  Let's just say I don't think its going to get any easier with each year to snap a good picture.  I am so grateful for my family especially at Christmas time and especially this year.  I love my family with all my heart.  Below are some pictures from the season including the "cousins photo" from last year and this year.

Devan Michael Higginbotham.

I do not have words for what we have been through in the past three weeks.  Mikey, my husband, put it best in a facebook post:  

Kare and I have had some time to gather our thoughts and we wanted to say a couple of things to our friends on here who have been so generous and supportive. Bear with us for the lengthy post but we wanted to share our story for those conc

erned. Our son Devan Michael Higginbotham was born on 11/28/12 at Virginia Hospital Center. He was born prematurely at 24 weeks weighing only 1lb 6oz. Our eldest son Logan and I were about to leave for Morgantown to celebrate my dad's birthday, who shared it with Devan, when Karen called me saying she was having contractions. We both cried knowing full well the complications of bringing a child into this world that young. When we got to the hospital at 300pm and found out that we would indeed be parents again, we were terrified and anxious. Nothing can prepare you for something like that, so we prayed for God's strength and grace. They performed an emergency c-section and delivered our second son at 5:02pm. They were able to rescucitate Devan, get him stable, and transferred him to the NICU while the OB surgeons tended to Karen. Looking through the window as they performed the C-section was a terribly agonizing feeling. Two teams of 7 people had my entire life in their hands. One team worked on my wife to perform an emergency surgery while another team worked on keeping my son alive. Words can't describe the feelings of helplessness while I stood behind a glass window looking at everything as it unfolded. As they transported my son from surgery to the NICU, I got to see him for the first time. The feeling of knowing I was a father again filled me with happiness, and was the first happy feeling I had since finding out Kare was going into labor. The doctors told me that my son had a better chance of surviving if he was at Children's National Medical Center, so they transferred him there. I was able to see Kare for 20 minutes before I had to leave and be with my new son at Children’s. When Kare found out that he was going to Children’s, I can't even imagine what was going through her mind knowing she had worked for two years on the same unit as where our son was going to be a patient . All those premature babies she saw everyday so fragile and small knowing that one of them would be ours. I stayed with him the entire time hoping and praying for the best. I've never prayed so hard for anything in my life. The pain Kare had to go through knowing she had to recover from surgery and not being able to see her son must have been unbearable. She eventually was discharged early so that she could go see Devan on 11/30. When we were both together, the doctors gave us news that no parent should ever have to hear. The doctors came in and told us that the ultrasound they performed on his head showed a grade 4 intra-ventricular hemorrhage (IVH) on both sides of his brain. The bleeding caused swelling which started to reach the back part of his brain. The blood transfusions he was receiving were bleeding into the brain and they started to go into the surrounding brain tissue. Hearing this news from the doctor was crippling. The thoughts that race through your mind are something that no parent should ever imagine - “Will my son die?” "Can he live a normal life if so?" The terrible thing about premature babies is there is little you can do. They are so young that performing procedures or surgery on a baby that small would certainly kill them. Even the diaper change I gave him made him so irritated that his vitals went up and down. The doctors try to give you answers but you already know the answers because they wear it on their faces. Stats like 50/50 survival rate and 90% brain damage are thrown at you. Eventually, there comes a point in a person's life where you have to make a decision that will affect you for the rest of your life - a decision where you can't even imagine preparing for. Kare and I prayed so hard for God to give us guidance and show us what He wanted. We asked our priest, our doctors, our family for guidance, but it all came back to the decision Kare and I would have to make that God wanted. As we prayed and thought about it, God kept calling us to let His will be done. We decided to take Devan off life support and let him go with God. I can’t describe the grief and despair we had coming to this decision, but also the peacefulness knowing that this is what God wanted. They took him off his ventilator, took the tubes and tape and lines off of him and gave him to us. It was the first time Kare and I got to hold our son. I’ve never been so happy and sad knowing that the first time holding our son would be the last. We lost our second born son Devan Michael on Sunday, December 2nd at 4:31pm. He was five days old. The main reason we wrote this was not to talk about our losses and grief but to thank everyone that has supported us through this tough time. Kare and I cried more times from the outpouring of love and support from our friends and family, than the grief and pain these last two weeks have caused. All the prayers, thoughts, donations, gifts, emails, phone calls, texts, and visits have been overwhelming. The pain has been trumped by the love and generosity from you, our family and friends. This is truly God's love you have been giving us. There is no way to bring back our son, but he has strenghtened our family more than ever through God's love. Our friends and family have made this bearable. Everyone that has helped us in our darkest hour has shown the full extent of the human spirit. God bless you all for everything you have done. We wouldn't be able to go on without you. In loving memory of our son, Devan Michael. You will always be loved.

 

tis the season.

I love Christmas time.  So when Mikey suggested he and Logan go and pick out a Christmas tree this past weekend, I was all about it.  They chose the perfect tree.  We had a wonderful time decorating the tree with my Dad.  Logan loves the lights and all of the ornaments.  He keeps going around the tree pointing to each ornament and saying "ohhh", now if only he would leave them on the tree.  I am sure we are going to be missing one or two ornaments before the season is over ;)

bed rest: week four.

It's hard to believe that I have been on bed rest for one month.  It has been a full month of ups and downs.  This week went by fast for me since it was Thanksgiving and our house was full with family from Tuesday to Friday.  We had our first follow up appointment on Wednesday with M&FM since the cerclage was placed.  My doctor stopped us on our way into the appointment and said her goal for us this week was to not make me cry :)  The ultrasound showed that everything was stable and we were able to get another picture of our sweet little boy (one of the perks of having weekly ultrasounds).  I am so blessed and thankful that we had good news and that one more week has passed allowing our baby the chance to grow and mature.  Every day, week, month, truly is a blessing from God.  On Saturday, Mikey's Aunt Penny came over to teach me how to crochet.  She is so kind and such a wonderful teacher.  At first I was completely lost and overwhelmed but I somehow managed to get the hang of it and I am in LOVE!  I have already made two hats and am working on my third.  Next up, making a baby blanket.  Thank you for everything Aunt Penny! 

My first crochet project ever, a hat for my niece Winnie May:

thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving!  We had a great time celebrating Thanksgiving with our family.  This year was a little different with me being on bed rest and my youngest sister, Katie, taking charge of Thanksgiving dinner.  We had everyone over at our house since I am unable to travel, and it was very cozy :)  Katie and Mom did a wonderful job with dinner and Mikey was a huge help overall with everything from cooking to cleaning, he was the perfect host.  It was hard for me to just lay around and not help but I know that this is probably going to be the one and only Thanksgiving that I will have the excuse not to do anything, so I just sat back and enjoyed spending time with my family.  I think Logan's favorite things from Thanksgiving were the horse rides on Grandpa and the pumpkin pie :)  This year I am so very thankful for our family, friends and all the blessings that God has given us.

Patiently waiting to eat.

bed rest: week three.

Well week 3 of bed rest is finally over. This week we had a pretty big scare. I went in on Friday for my weekly ultrasounds with M&FM and they found that my cervix had thinned more and was now less than 1cm (a normal cervix is 4cm). So, I was admitted to the hospital and initially told that I would have to remain inpatient for the duration of the pregnancy. Needless to say, I was a mess. I called Mikey and he came right away from work to be with me. We waited for my OB to come talk to us and just prayed. When Dr. Caskie came in she told us she was going to do the cerclage, which is the stitch in the cervix to keep it closed, and that we would stay overnight and then if all went well be discharged home the next day. I was so relieved that there was a possibility of going home but we were also nervous for the surgery. The risks associated with the surgery were that they could break my water,or rupture my membranes and that the surgery in itself could cause the uterus to contract, either of those options could send me into pre-term labor. Mikey and I just prayed that none of that would happen and that God would guide our Dr's hands for a successful surgery. We had our families and friends praying for the same and I cannot say enough for the power of prayer. God is amazing! The surgery was scheduled for 4pm that afternoon, but due to emergencies my case was pushed back to 7:30am the next morning. Dr. Cobbs, who is the doctor who delivered Logan, was the one who performed the surgery. It was definitely not the most pleasant thing to go through, especially since I had to be literally upside down during the whole procedure, but the surgery was 100% successful with no complications. Afterwards, Dr. Cobbs told us that when she was in the surgery she saw that it was much worse than the ultrasound had initially shown and that I had no cervix left and was already 3cm dilated. She said she prayed that she would be able to do the procedure successfully and save the baby, and she did. We are so grateful and blessed that God provided us with such an amazing surgeon and doctor and that he listened to all of our prayers. We were able to go home later that afternoon after they monitored the baby's vitals and made sure I was not having any contractions. I am so happy and thankful to be home and even more thankful for a healthy baby. Our main goal is to make it to 34 weeks gestation, which is February 5th. Currently, I am 23 weeks, so 11 more weeks to go! I know we can do it. Our family and friends have been so amazing throughout all of this. A special thanks to my Mom, who came right away when we called her, to be with us and more importantly take care of Logan while Mikey and I were at the hospital. Thank you to everyone who continues to keep us in your thoughts and prayers. All I have to say is God is good and I know we can do anything through him.

My AMAZING (and very good looking) husband, I could not have gone through this without him.

Our mantra while inpatient and at home.