Devan Michael Higginbotham.

I do not have words for what we have been through in the past three weeks.  Mikey, my husband, put it best in a facebook post:  

Kare and I have had some time to gather our thoughts and we wanted to say a couple of things to our friends on here who have been so generous and supportive. Bear with us for the lengthy post but we wanted to share our story for those conc

erned. Our son Devan Michael Higginbotham was born on 11/28/12 at Virginia Hospital Center. He was born prematurely at 24 weeks weighing only 1lb 6oz. Our eldest son Logan and I were about to leave for Morgantown to celebrate my dad's birthday, who shared it with Devan, when Karen called me saying she was having contractions. We both cried knowing full well the complications of bringing a child into this world that young. When we got to the hospital at 300pm and found out that we would indeed be parents again, we were terrified and anxious. Nothing can prepare you for something like that, so we prayed for God's strength and grace. They performed an emergency c-section and delivered our second son at 5:02pm. They were able to rescucitate Devan, get him stable, and transferred him to the NICU while the OB surgeons tended to Karen. Looking through the window as they performed the C-section was a terribly agonizing feeling. Two teams of 7 people had my entire life in their hands. One team worked on my wife to perform an emergency surgery while another team worked on keeping my son alive. Words can't describe the feelings of helplessness while I stood behind a glass window looking at everything as it unfolded. As they transported my son from surgery to the NICU, I got to see him for the first time. The feeling of knowing I was a father again filled me with happiness, and was the first happy feeling I had since finding out Kare was going into labor. The doctors told me that my son had a better chance of surviving if he was at Children's National Medical Center, so they transferred him there. I was able to see Kare for 20 minutes before I had to leave and be with my new son at Children’s. When Kare found out that he was going to Children’s, I can't even imagine what was going through her mind knowing she had worked for two years on the same unit as where our son was going to be a patient . All those premature babies she saw everyday so fragile and small knowing that one of them would be ours. I stayed with him the entire time hoping and praying for the best. I've never prayed so hard for anything in my life. The pain Kare had to go through knowing she had to recover from surgery and not being able to see her son must have been unbearable. She eventually was discharged early so that she could go see Devan on 11/30. When we were both together, the doctors gave us news that no parent should ever have to hear. The doctors came in and told us that the ultrasound they performed on his head showed a grade 4 intra-ventricular hemorrhage (IVH) on both sides of his brain. The bleeding caused swelling which started to reach the back part of his brain. The blood transfusions he was receiving were bleeding into the brain and they started to go into the surrounding brain tissue. Hearing this news from the doctor was crippling. The thoughts that race through your mind are something that no parent should ever imagine - “Will my son die?” "Can he live a normal life if so?" The terrible thing about premature babies is there is little you can do. They are so young that performing procedures or surgery on a baby that small would certainly kill them. Even the diaper change I gave him made him so irritated that his vitals went up and down. The doctors try to give you answers but you already know the answers because they wear it on their faces. Stats like 50/50 survival rate and 90% brain damage are thrown at you. Eventually, there comes a point in a person's life where you have to make a decision that will affect you for the rest of your life - a decision where you can't even imagine preparing for. Kare and I prayed so hard for God to give us guidance and show us what He wanted. We asked our priest, our doctors, our family for guidance, but it all came back to the decision Kare and I would have to make that God wanted. As we prayed and thought about it, God kept calling us to let His will be done. We decided to take Devan off life support and let him go with God. I can’t describe the grief and despair we had coming to this decision, but also the peacefulness knowing that this is what God wanted. They took him off his ventilator, took the tubes and tape and lines off of him and gave him to us. It was the first time Kare and I got to hold our son. I’ve never been so happy and sad knowing that the first time holding our son would be the last. We lost our second born son Devan Michael on Sunday, December 2nd at 4:31pm. He was five days old. The main reason we wrote this was not to talk about our losses and grief but to thank everyone that has supported us through this tough time. Kare and I cried more times from the outpouring of love and support from our friends and family, than the grief and pain these last two weeks have caused. All the prayers, thoughts, donations, gifts, emails, phone calls, texts, and visits have been overwhelming. The pain has been trumped by the love and generosity from you, our family and friends. This is truly God's love you have been giving us. There is no way to bring back our son, but he has strenghtened our family more than ever through God's love. Our friends and family have made this bearable. Everyone that has helped us in our darkest hour has shown the full extent of the human spirit. God bless you all for everything you have done. We wouldn't be able to go on without you. In loving memory of our son, Devan Michael. You will always be loved.

 

tis the season.

I love Christmas time.  So when Mikey suggested he and Logan go and pick out a Christmas tree this past weekend, I was all about it.  They chose the perfect tree.  We had a wonderful time decorating the tree with my Dad.  Logan loves the lights and all of the ornaments.  He keeps going around the tree pointing to each ornament and saying "ohhh", now if only he would leave them on the tree.  I am sure we are going to be missing one or two ornaments before the season is over ;)

bed rest: week four.

It's hard to believe that I have been on bed rest for one month.  It has been a full month of ups and downs.  This week went by fast for me since it was Thanksgiving and our house was full with family from Tuesday to Friday.  We had our first follow up appointment on Wednesday with M&FM since the cerclage was placed.  My doctor stopped us on our way into the appointment and said her goal for us this week was to not make me cry :)  The ultrasound showed that everything was stable and we were able to get another picture of our sweet little boy (one of the perks of having weekly ultrasounds).  I am so blessed and thankful that we had good news and that one more week has passed allowing our baby the chance to grow and mature.  Every day, week, month, truly is a blessing from God.  On Saturday, Mikey's Aunt Penny came over to teach me how to crochet.  She is so kind and such a wonderful teacher.  At first I was completely lost and overwhelmed but I somehow managed to get the hang of it and I am in LOVE!  I have already made two hats and am working on my third.  Next up, making a baby blanket.  Thank you for everything Aunt Penny! 

My first crochet project ever, a hat for my niece Winnie May:

thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving!  We had a great time celebrating Thanksgiving with our family.  This year was a little different with me being on bed rest and my youngest sister, Katie, taking charge of Thanksgiving dinner.  We had everyone over at our house since I am unable to travel, and it was very cozy :)  Katie and Mom did a wonderful job with dinner and Mikey was a huge help overall with everything from cooking to cleaning, he was the perfect host.  It was hard for me to just lay around and not help but I know that this is probably going to be the one and only Thanksgiving that I will have the excuse not to do anything, so I just sat back and enjoyed spending time with my family.  I think Logan's favorite things from Thanksgiving were the horse rides on Grandpa and the pumpkin pie :)  This year I am so very thankful for our family, friends and all the blessings that God has given us.

Patiently waiting to eat.

bed rest: week three.

Well week 3 of bed rest is finally over. This week we had a pretty big scare. I went in on Friday for my weekly ultrasounds with M&FM and they found that my cervix had thinned more and was now less than 1cm (a normal cervix is 4cm). So, I was admitted to the hospital and initially told that I would have to remain inpatient for the duration of the pregnancy. Needless to say, I was a mess. I called Mikey and he came right away from work to be with me. We waited for my OB to come talk to us and just prayed. When Dr. Caskie came in she told us she was going to do the cerclage, which is the stitch in the cervix to keep it closed, and that we would stay overnight and then if all went well be discharged home the next day. I was so relieved that there was a possibility of going home but we were also nervous for the surgery. The risks associated with the surgery were that they could break my water,or rupture my membranes and that the surgery in itself could cause the uterus to contract, either of those options could send me into pre-term labor. Mikey and I just prayed that none of that would happen and that God would guide our Dr's hands for a successful surgery. We had our families and friends praying for the same and I cannot say enough for the power of prayer. God is amazing! The surgery was scheduled for 4pm that afternoon, but due to emergencies my case was pushed back to 7:30am the next morning. Dr. Cobbs, who is the doctor who delivered Logan, was the one who performed the surgery. It was definitely not the most pleasant thing to go through, especially since I had to be literally upside down during the whole procedure, but the surgery was 100% successful with no complications. Afterwards, Dr. Cobbs told us that when she was in the surgery she saw that it was much worse than the ultrasound had initially shown and that I had no cervix left and was already 3cm dilated. She said she prayed that she would be able to do the procedure successfully and save the baby, and she did. We are so grateful and blessed that God provided us with such an amazing surgeon and doctor and that he listened to all of our prayers. We were able to go home later that afternoon after they monitored the baby's vitals and made sure I was not having any contractions. I am so happy and thankful to be home and even more thankful for a healthy baby. Our main goal is to make it to 34 weeks gestation, which is February 5th. Currently, I am 23 weeks, so 11 more weeks to go! I know we can do it. Our family and friends have been so amazing throughout all of this. A special thanks to my Mom, who came right away when we called her, to be with us and more importantly take care of Logan while Mikey and I were at the hospital. Thank you to everyone who continues to keep us in your thoughts and prayers. All I have to say is God is good and I know we can do anything through him.

My AMAZING (and very good looking) husband, I could not have gone through this without him.

Our mantra while inpatient and at home.

peek-a-boo barn.

Logan's favorite game to play on the iPhone, hands down, is peek-a-boo barn.  He loves the animal noises and how the barn door opens to reveal what animal is inside.  He has a thing for dogs, so he goes nuts when the dog starts barking.  If you haven't tried out this game you can get a free trial from the app store.  I highly recommend it for toddlers, it will provide a good 15 minutes of fun & learning :)

autumn season.

Before I was put on bed rest we were able to enjoy a nice Fall Saturday at one of Mikey's favorite places in the DC area, Rock Creek Park.  Logan had so much fun playing in the leaves and we had a great time as a family enjoying the Fall weather.

family & friends.

I cannot express how grateful and truly blessed we are to have such wonderful family and friends.  They have been so supportive from day one; offering to cook us meals, bring over food, grocery shop, babysit Logan, do laundry/housework and just being there for us & praying for us.  Our freezer is now overflowing with meals that Aunt Ellen provided, my Dad is taking off a half day each week to come down and help out, and I am looking forward to Aunt Penny’s visit where she is going to teach me how to crochet.  This past Saturday, we had our good friends Meghan & Ryan with their daughter Brielle, and Allie and Mike with their new puppy Dempsey over for the WVU football game.  It was great spending time with our friends and watching the kids play with Dempsey, the game was not so fun to watch.  On Sunday, my friend and co-worker Lindsay came by with her daughter Amelia to visit.  Lindsay and I were pregnant together and Logan and Amelia are only 1 month apart, it was so much fun watching them interact with one another.  My Dad also came over Sunday.  This was the first time we had seen him since he came back from his 3 week vacation in Africa.  Needless to say, we enjoyed Dad’s videos and over 600 photos from the trip (thanks for narrowing it down from 3000 photos Dad!).  I love having visitors over!  It gives me something to look forward to and breaks up the days.  We are so lucky to have such amazing friends and family.  We love you! 

Here are some photo's of Logan and Amelia "reading" together. (Yes, Logan is still in his pj's)

bed rest: week two.

I am happy to say my second week of bed rest is complete.  This week I focused on organizing my list of things that I want to accomplish on bed rest as well as planning for the upcoming holidays!  I was also able to do my civic duty and vote, thanks to some crafty finagling by my wonderful husband and the compassion of the people running the voting station at our local school.   We had our weekly ultrasound check up with the Maternal & Fetal Medicine specialist and everything remains stable, praise God!  We have a lot of people praying for us and I know that God is listening.  I also had my rescheduled “20 week” appointment with my OB/GYN, and the little guy is checking out healthy and growing normal (we had to reschedule our appointment due to hurricane Sandy last week).  Onto the negative side of this week, poor Logan came down with a stomach bug and he was out for the count.  The little man couldn’t even tolerate clear liquids without throwing them back up.  Being on bed rest with a toddler is hard enough, but being on bed rest with a sick toddler, forget it!  All I have to say is thank God for my AMAZING husband and for my Mom who came down from Baltimore to help out!  

things to do: week one.

I wanted to give examples of what I have done to occupy my time on week one of bed rest. 

After the initial shock of having to stay off your feet for an extended period of time has worn off, the first and foremost thing to do is be thankful that your healthcare providers are aware of the problem and that this entire ordeal is for the safety and health of your precious little peanut.  I know it can seem difficult to focus on the positives, especially when you have months of confinement ahead of you and I’m sure I will not always have such a cheery disposition but in the end I think about the life that is growing inside and how much I already love this little person and would do anything to protect the little guy.  One friend of mine that was on bed rest from 26 weeks until her twin boys were born, said it best “every hour, day, week and month was a small victory for me and the boys”. 

Contact your family and friends with the news so that they can help you and pray for you.  I cannot say enough about how supportive our friends and family have been, we are truly blessed.

The next thing to do is to schedule any doctor appointments that you need to make.  For me it was weekly visits with my Maternal & Fetal Medicine specialist physician for ultrasounds to monitor my cervix and the baby.

Contact your HR department to discuss your leave options and coverage.  The whole legal jargon can be a little intimidating, so if you do not understand at first ask again until you are clear about your leave options.  I think I spoke with my HR dept. for an hour, with two separate representatives, until I felt comfortable with my knowledge of my leave and how it would affect my actual maternity leave once the little guy makes his debut. 

Contact your work to let them know what is going on and that you will be out for an indeterminable amount of time so that they can work on your coverage.  Or if you are one of the lucky few, manage something to work from home.

Plan weekly meals/dinners and create a shopping list for the hubs or family and friends willing to grocery shop for you.

Create a “honey do list” for the hubby on things that need to be done each day.

Make an accessible “work station” near your bed rest site that has the things you will need each day.  Currently mine consists of my iphone, lap top, a copy of Mitch Alboms “The Time Keeper”, water, healthy snacks, the tv remotes and my Dad’s ipad (thanks Dad!)

Make a daily schedule.  Maybe it’s the OCD dietitian in me but I thrive off of schedules.  And even though I don’t technically have anything that I HAVE to do, I like to keep a daily schedule that I can tick off in my head once I have accomplished said tasks.  For example, items on my schedule today are

wTake a quick shower wMake my daily pilgrimage down the stairs to my living room couch wEat Breakfast wPray the rosary wCheck emails w Watch the Today show and catch up on the “news” wResearch Christmas card ideas wRead through lesson one of “how to crochet” w Eat lunch wTake a nap wFill out baby book wPlay with my 18 month old son when he gets home from daycare wHang out with the hubs

So, they are not essential things that need to be done but I feel better once I have fulfilled something on my list.  Again, slightly OCD J

bed rest: week one.

So week one is officially over, only 19 more weeks to go!  After researching online for bed rest resources, I have come up with very little.  It is actually pretty disappointing to not be able to find anything worthwhile.  Hence my thought to start a blog, not only for my own sanity but for the sanity of others in close proximity, and maybe in the process I will help someone else out who is going through a similar situation.  Things that I have learned during this important first week include the true meaning of bed rest and becoming well versed in medical terminology such as incompetent cervix and cerlage.  I was put on bed rest after my 20 week ultrasound showed that I have a short cervix (here’s a link for more info for those who like that sort of thing incompetent-cervix).  This diagnosis can ultimately lead to a premature labor and delivery.  I am thankful that this was found sooner rather than later and that so far our baby is healthy and couldn’t care less about what is happening on the outside.  There is a procedure where they can stitch the cervix closed called a cerlage.  However, I am not a candidate for this procedure at this time as the risks outweigh the benefits.  Therefore, bed rest for the remaining pregnancy, plus hormone supplements, and weekly ultrasounds have been ordered and I have been assured that research shows this course of treatment is just as effective, if not better than having the cerclage, without the risk.  So, I remain hopeful and thankful to God for all the blessings he has given me and my family.  I look at this time on bed rest as a much needed vacation and an excuse to catch up on reading books I haven’t had the time for, watching movies, learning to crochet and praying then rosary daily.  

halloween.

This year we were really able to enjoy Halloween from a toddlers perspective.  Logan, or "Yogan" as we nicknamed him, had a blast.  He was dressed up as Yoda from Star Wars and he LOVED that costume, although I'm not sure who loved it better, him or Daddy.  We went up to our neighborhood clubhouse Halloween party for pizza and cupcakes and then Mikey took Logan trick-or-treating around the neighborhood.  I think Logan really enjoyed his first "real" trick-or-treating experience, even if he didn't eat any of the candy :)

Carving his first pumpkin.

trick-or-treating.